The Terrible Terrible 'What If?'

In an ideal world, my child would spend most of her time with her immediate family. She would grow with a measure of guidance and social interaction, but mostly left to her own devices with our trust that she possesses an innate ability to grow into a happy well-adjusted child without the need for a host of adult-organised programmes. This translates into a balance of preschool and homeschool (or homeplay at a younger stage, if you will). For this to happen however I would need a large dose of time to share on meaningful activities or otherwise keeping a watchful eye from afar as she discovers the world on her own terms. Independent discovery however would require a safe and large space of nature (example, a spacious garden). Then there would be no need to look for alternatives and no need to be kiasu. However, both time and garden are not viable in the here and now.

In the absence of an ideal world situation, I play make-up. Make-up is fuelled by my guilt at my inability to provide the ideal conditions. This results in some serious research (think reading up on child development philosophies and guides) and The Great Childcare Hunt to identify the best alternative to the ideal. I’m entrusting my child to strangers for 10 hours every day, 5 days a week - of course it’s important! Where they go, what they do, and who they spend their day with while I’m away at work – including their teachers, parental surrogates. There is a risk of being ‘kiasu’ here as centres push the differentiation marketing envelope in the battle for the kiddy dollar

The ‘what if’ runs the highest kiasu-ism risk factor. The popularity of Shichida and Kumon feeds on the fears of parents who are short on quality time or still finding their way around parenthood. Well-meaning people around us and mass media play on parenting inadequacies to send our children for early development programmes to bring out their fullest potential. The unspoken messages vary in form but are identical in substance:

‘What if not sending your child for our programme stunts his development / creates a problematic character / results in an unenthusiastic student / slower learner / causes him to lack confidence, eloquence, articulation / lack an interest for arts or maths or science / to become mired in terrible grades / causes him to lag behind his peers / and finally causes him to become a failure in life… when you had the chance to help him by nipping the problem in the bud. Are you a good parent or not?”